Have you ever heard a phrase within a family that makes absolutely no sense to an outsider but elicits laughter or knowing smiles among those in the know? This is the fascinating world of Familial Language, the unique dialect spoken within the walls of a home. Recently, celebrating my pandemic birthday, I was reminded of just how deeply ingrained these linguistic quirks can become. My partner, wishing me “iki domuz,” a Turkish phrase meaning “two pigs,” perfectly encapsulated our personal tradition born from a humorous language mishap years ago. This seemingly nonsensical greeting is a cornerstone of our familial language, a testament to shared history and inside jokes.
This phenomenon isn’t unique to my household. Many families, whether by blood or choice, develop their own secret language, a private lexicon that strengthens bonds and fosters intimacy. These “familects,” as linguists sometimes call them, encompass invented words, affectionate nicknames, inside jokes, and personal memes. They emerge organically from the everyday chaos and intimacy of shared lives. The recent pandemic, with its intensified periods of close quarters, has likely only amplified the evolution and use of these unique linguistic codes within families.
Cynthia Gordon, an associate linguistics professor at Georgetown University and author of Making Meanings, Creating Family, has dedicated her career to studying the intricacies of family communication. “Any group of people that has extended contact over time and sees itself as distinctive is going to have some specialized uses of language,” Gordon explains. “Listening to recordings of other families is like being immersed in a different world.” Indeed, each family’s linguistic landscape is as unique as the family itself.
Understanding Familial Language: More Than Just Slang
We naturally adjust our language depending on the context and our audience. From formal work presentations to casual chats with friends, our linguistic register shifts. Familial language exists within what’s known as the “intimate register,” the informal and often idiosyncratic way we communicate with our closest confidantes. It’s our home slang, a space where we can shed our public personas and embrace our authentic, sometimes quirky, selves. This type of language isn’t limited to traditional families; it thrives in all kinds of close-knit groups – large or small, chosen families, or even pandemic “quaranteams.” Over time, these unique terms and phrases become deeply embedded in the fabric of our closest relationships.
The Origins of Familects: Shared Experiences and Inside Jokes
What sparks the creation of this familial language? The key ingredients are simply time spent together and shared experiences. Children often play a significant role as word innovators, particularly as they learn to speak. Their playful mispronunciations or creative wordplay can be adopted by the entire family, becoming cherished verbal heirlooms passed down through generations. Furthermore, familial language frequently blossoms during the early stages of close relationships, whether romantic partnerships or deep friendships. As individuals navigate the transition from acquaintances to intimates, they create private ways to express affection and navigate sensitive topics, often through unique linguistic shortcuts.
Mignon Fogarty, the host of the Grammar Girl podcast, has been collecting examples of family words for years. Her listeners frequently share their own family lingo and the stories behind them, offering fascinating glimpses into their family dynamics. One example Fogarty shared illustrates this perfectly: a family at a dog park noticed a woman who strikingly resembled her dog, named Stanley. This observation birthed the phrase “Stanley situation,” now used whenever someone bears a strong resemblance to their pet.
The Power of Familial Language: Fostering Intimacy and Identity
Familects are more than just amusing quirks; they play a crucial role in strengthening family bonds. This private in-group language cultivates intimacy and solidifies group identity. Research on couples who use idiosyncratic terms reveals that this personal language fosters feelings of closeness and often emerges during moments of connection or reconciliation. Each time a familect term is used, it reinforces shared stories, rituals, and memories, binding the family unit together. As Professor Gordon explains, “Every time they use that phrase, they are pointing to all the previous uses of it. It reaffirms their ‘familyness’ in a way. It re-creates their relationship.”
Familial Language in the Pandemic Era
The COVID-19 pandemic has profoundly reshaped our home lives. Language, being our flexible tool for navigating the world, inevitably adapts to these changes. The pandemic has introduced a new vocabulary into our collective lexicon – lockdowns, covidiots, pandejos, flattening the curve – reflecting our shared experiences.
Professor Gordon suggests that the lines between work and home life have blurred for remote workers, potentially leading to a mixing of professional and familial language. Conversely, for many, increased isolation with family may have created fertile ground for familects to flourish. While it’s still early to definitively assess the pandemic’s long-term impact on familial language, anecdotal evidence suggests that these unique linguistic expressions continue to be a source of comfort and connection.
When I reached out to friends for their pandemic familect stories, I received a variety of examples. Amie Ferrier, a fiddle teacher, shared “quarantum,” a lighthearted term for pandemic-induced weight gain, and “Trumping out,” a euphemism for anxiety triggered by news overload. Alex Roberts, a graduate student, described “hog,” a new word for a small amount of coffee, inspired by a hedgehog-themed mug. Lizzie Stark, an author and game designer, mentioned “a party,” her family’s term for their morning Metamucil routine, and “the Cuteness Report,” a nightly check-in on their sleeping child.
While these familial terms may seem trivial amidst larger world events, they are deeply valued by those who use them. Sharing these linguistic quirks evokes a sense of pride and vulnerability, a testament to the trust and intimacy within the family. As Gordon concludes, sharing one’s familect is an act of welcoming others into the family fold. Ultimately, “moment by moment, in everyday language use, we create our families.” Familial language, in all its quirky and unique forms, is a powerful testament to this ongoing creation.
