The phrase “when you’re here, you’re family” is famously associated with Olive Garden, the Italian-American restaurant chain. It’s a comforting slogan, suggesting warmth and belonging. But what happens when this sentiment migrates from casual dining to the workplace? Drawing from a previously published story in Standart magazine, this article delves into the pervasive use of “family language” in professional settings, particularly within the coffee industry, and explores why this seemingly positive phrase can often be manipulative and detrimental to employees.
In March 2023, former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz faced the United States Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions (HELP). The hearing, titled “No Company is Above the Law: The Need to End Illegal Union Busting at Starbucks,” highlighted the growing tensions between Starbucks management and its unionizing workforce. Despite over 280 Starbucks locations voting to unionize, none had successfully negotiated a contract. Allegations of union-busting tactics, including store closures and benefit restrictions, were rampant.
During the hearing, Senator Mike Braun of Indiana offered a seemingly simple solution to Schultz: “The best avoidance of a union is to treat your employees like family, pay good wages, [and] have good benefits. You do that [and] you’re probably never going to have a union knocking on your door.” While perhaps well-intentioned, Braun’s comment encapsulates a viewpoint that is increasingly common yet deeply problematic: the idea that workplaces should function like families.
This concept isn’t new. Olive Garden launched its iconic “When you’re here, you’re family” slogan in 1998, embedding the idea of workplace conviviality in the public consciousness. However, the implications of family language within the internal dynamics of a company are far more complex and often less benign. The rise of this rhetoric, especially in sectors like the service industry, demands a critical examination. Is it genuinely fostering a supportive environment, or is it a tool to blur boundaries and extract more from employees under the guise of familial loyalty?
a table with a red tablecloth and chairs with pictures on the wall
A cozy Italian restaurant setting, representing the “family” atmosphere often evoked by Olive Garden and workplaces using family language.
“We’re a Family Here”: Barista Perspectives
To understand the real-world impact of family language in the workplace, particularly in the coffee industry, an informal survey was conducted on Instagram, asking baristas about their experiences with this rhetoric. The responses were overwhelming, revealing a widespread sentiment that “we’re a family here” often felt manipulative and disconnected from reality.
Alex, a barista with a decade of experience at a large chain, noted the evolution of workplace language: “Family-first-type language [is] used frequently, [and it implies] weird familial expectations of employees. Phrasing like ‘one team, one purpose’ soon morphed into ‘one family, one purpose.’ The wording create[s] a sense of commitment to the team but also solidifie[s] the idea that if you’re letting us down, then you’re letting your family down. Who wants to let down their family?” This highlights a key issue: family language weaponizes emotional bonds to pressure employees into prioritizing work above their own needs.
Taylor, who worked for a coffee roaster, echoed this sentiment, describing how family rhetoric was used to justify low wages and increased workload. “My boss kept promising a raise would come, but since ‘we are all family,’ I [was told] I just needed to contribute and prove myself first.” This illustrates how the “family” concept can be exploited to avoid fair compensation and create a culture of undue obligation.
Even in situations demanding genuine empathy, the “family” facade often crumbles. Jordan, a barista from Portland, shared a poignant anecdote: “I was working at a ‘we’re a family’ coffee shop when the manager’s brother died. In the following weeks, she displayed mounting emotional distress. The owner fired her the day before Thanksgiving as she was on her way out the door to go see her actual family.” This stark example underscores the hypocrisy inherent in many workplaces that claim to be families. When real family crises arise, the promised support often vanishes, revealing the transactional nature of the employer-employee relationship.
Blurred Boundaries: The Manipulation of “Family”
Gloria Chan Packer, in her TED Talk “Work Is Not Your Family,” aptly describes the insidious nature of family language in eroding workplace boundaries. She argues that hearing “we’re like family” triggers a subconscious response: “Give it everything, no matter what.” This encourages employees to sacrifice their personal time, well-being, and even their rights for the perceived good of the “family,” which is ultimately the company.
Packer explains that this dynamic leads to a cycle of overwork and burnout. Employees suppress their own needs, driven by a misplaced sense of familial obligation. For baristas, whose workplaces are often considered “third places”—blurring the lines between work and social space—family language further intensifies this boundary erosion. The result is a work environment where personal and professional lives become indistinguishable, leaving employees perpetually “on” and vulnerable to exploitation.
Joshua A. Luna, in his Harvard Business Review article “The Toxic Effects of Branding Your Workplace a ‘Family’,” acknowledges that employers might not always have malicious intent when using family language. He suggests it often stems from a desire for a productive and harmonious workforce. However, even with good intentions, the outcome remains problematic. “Adding a ‘family’ culture and sense of belonging might not sound malicious at first, but when used to foster relationships with the expectations of top-level performance, employees will rarely be set up for success.”
Luna points to the “toxic mentality” originating from early 2000s tech startups, where perks and “fun” workplace cultures were used to encourage employees to dedicate their lives to their jobs. This “work hard, play hard” ethos, coupled with family language, creates unrealistic expectations of loyalty and commitment, often without reciprocal support from the company.
“Working for Love”: Exploitation Under the Guise of Family
Sarah Jaffe, author of Work Won’t Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted and Alone, further dissects the manipulative nature of family language. She highlights how companies avoid terms like “employees” or “workers,” opting for euphemisms like “partners” (Starbucks) or “associates” (Walmart). This linguistic shift obscures the true employer-employee dynamic and promotes a false sense of shared ownership and responsibility.
Jaffe connects family language to the broader cultural expectation that we should “love our jobs.” This notion, prevalent in late-stage capitalism, is particularly insidious in service and retail sectors, where employees, often women and marginalized groups, are expected to perform emotional labor and display enthusiasm for their work. In coffee shops, the “service with a smile” expectation is paramount, and family language amplifies this pressure, blurring the lines between genuine care and performative affection.
The phrase “when you’re here, you’re family,” while seemingly welcoming, can become a tool to extract emotional investment and dedication without offering commensurate rewards or protections. It fosters a culture where employees are subtly pressured to prioritize the company’s needs above their own, all under the guise of familial loyalty and belonging.
A Family Affair: Roles and Power Dynamics
Examining the power dynamics within workplaces using family language reveals further complications. If a workplace is a family, who plays which role? Often, employers implicitly position themselves as parents and employees as children. This paternalistic structure can be disempowering, discouraging employees from questioning authority or advocating for their needs.
Luna points out that family dynamics are complex and not always positive. “Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents or siblings and emotions from family dynamics can easily bleed into professional relationships.” This analogy can normalize micromanagement, excessive expectations, and a lack of autonomy, mirroring unhealthy family patterns.
Jaffe echoes this, noting the ingrained societal conditioning: “You don’t get to make decisions for yourself when you’re a kid, so what is it saying to workers if they’re given the role of children? It’s saying, ‘You’re a child; I know what you need and what you need to be doing, and what will make you act like a good grown-up.'” This infantilizing dynamic is particularly prevalent in service industry jobs, where workers are often expected to be compliant and grateful for even basic employment.
While proponents might argue family language fosters a sense of community and encourages employees to go the extra mile, the reality is often different. It can be a tactic to discourage collective action and unionization. By fostering a sense of individual familial obligation to the company, it undermines worker solidarity and deflects attention from systemic issues like low wages and poor working conditions. As Jaffe states, “Turning our love away from other people and onto the workplace serves to undermine solidarity.”
Setting Boundaries: Reclaiming Professionalism
However, there are signs of change. The COVID-19 pandemic exposed the fragility of the “family” workplace model, as companies readily laid off workers or demanded essential service despite risks. This experience has empowered many employees to re-evaluate their relationship with work and challenge exploitative practices. The rise of “quiet quitting” and increased unionization efforts, particularly at Starbucks, indicate a growing awareness of worker rights and a rejection of performative family culture.
One barista’s experience highlights this shift: “We had these yearly training workshops over a couple of days at headquarters, and they referred to these training days as ‘family reunions’… When we unionized, we wrote in our contract that they couldn’t use the word ‘family’ to describe training events, and they took it out.” This small victory symbolizes a larger movement towards reclaiming professionalism and setting boundaries against manipulative workplace rhetoric.
Psychometrician Nikita Mikhailov suggests that the use of family language often stems from inauthentic attempts to appear agreeable. He emphasizes the importance of open communication and genuine feedback in building healthy workplace cultures. Instead of relying on superficial slogans, companies should focus on actively listening to their employees’ needs and fostering a truly supportive environment based on respect and fair treatment.
Ultimately, the key takeaway is the importance of clear boundaries. As Luna advises, “The more upfront you can be with expectations, the better… The more you can standardize, the better.” Employees have the right to define their professional boundaries and should not be pressured into sacrificing their well-being for a company that only superficially resembles a family.
If you’ve felt uneasy about “family language” in your workplace, know that you are not alone. Recognizing this rhetoric for what it often is—a tool for manipulation—is the first step towards creating healthier and more equitable work environments. It’s time to move beyond the empty promise of “when you’re here, you’re family” and build workplaces based on respect, fair compensation, and genuine support for employees as individuals with lives beyond their jobs.
[1] The federal minimum wage in the US is $7.25 and has been since 2009. While arriving at a figure for a liveable wage is difficult owing to the country’s size and variability, in Madison, Wisconsin—the city in which the author lives and the US’s 80th largest—the living wage for a single person living alone with no children is $17.49 at time of writing (August 2023), according to the MIT Living Wage Calculator.
