It’s surprisingly challenging to pin down the exact meaning of “partner.” For years, I considered John Calley, a friend in his seventies with whom I spoke daily, my partner. He was the person I turned to during every romantic crisis. Was our relationship any less of a partnership because it was platonic? This question challenges the traditional views of what constitutes a Modern Family and its core relationships.
And the concept of a “primary” partner has always baffled me. Does this imply a hierarchy of partners – secondary, tertiary, and so on? Can’t a primary partner be a sister, a child, or a closest friend? Does it strictly have to be someone with whom you share a sexual relationship? Consider two sisters who have lived together for fifteen years, raising a daughter collectively. Are they not partners simply because their relationship isn’t sexual? And what about countless married couples who haven’t been intimate in years? Does the absence of sex diminish their partnership? These are crucial questions when we consider the evolving landscape of the modern family.
My feelings for Clare are different from the whirlwind romances of the past. They run deeper. As our bond strengthened, my affection for her grew, culminating in my decision to introduce her to my large, Italian-Polish, supposedly “traditional” Philadelphia family. This was a significant step in defining our partnership in the context of my family and personal history.
My father’s reaction, delivered between cigar puffs on an Atlantic City casino rooftop, was simple and accepting. “She’s a good girl, good for you,” he said. My mother and the rest of my family echoed his approval. Perhaps their views were more modern family-oriented than I had assumed. This acceptance highlighted the changing perceptions of relationships within families.
My understanding of attachment and partnership is that they are fluid and ever-changing, reflecting the dynamics of a modern family. Jack’s father, Dan, will always be my partner because we are co-parents to Jack. Dan is an exceptional father and an incredible person. The non-sexual nature of our relationship doesn’t lessen his role as my partner in raising our son. We share fundamental values, primarily prioritizing our son’s well-being. Similarly, my former partner, Bryn, remains my partner through our shared activism. And Clare will always be my partner because, above all, she is my dearest friend. These diverse relationships illustrate the multifaceted nature of partnership within the modern family framework.
