Living in close proximity to family is a dream for many, evoking images of shared meals, readily available support, and a built-in community. This vision is increasingly capturing attention as individuals and families seek deeper connections and practical assistance in their daily lives. But what is it really like to live in a Family Compound? We delve into the realities of this lifestyle through an insightful interview with Dane and Bridget Smith, who have firsthand experience living in a thriving family compound.
Bridget’s family pioneered their family compound nearly two decades ago when her father strategically purchased land in a developing neighborhood. By selling off portions of the land, he financed his own acreage and envisioned a space where family could gather and grow together. Initially, the property served as a cherished family home with an expansive yard and pasture. The evolution into a family compound began when Bridget’s sister inquired about subdividing the land. This initial step paved the way for two more sisters, including Bridget, to establish their homes on adjacent plots over the next decade. This intentional community wasn’t just about physical proximity; it was built on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. Bridget emphasizes, “My parents are very respectful to their children…understanding that, yes, you’re my child but your number one family is your own little nucleus. That has been really important I think in facilitating this.”
However, the path to their current family compound wasn’t entirely straightforward for Dane and Bridget. They acquired their current home unexpectedly when Bridget’s sister, who initially built the house, decided to relocate. Despite initial financial constraints, the allure of family proximity was too strong to resist. “We always kind of dreamed about maybe living out here,” Bridget explains, “But we knew it wasn’t really in the cards for us…But when my sister moved we were like, ‘we need to get that house and we’re just going to make that work.’ So we’ve been kind of house poor for a while. But it’s been working out.” This decision underscores the deep value they placed on familial closeness and the support system it offered.
The Unparalleled Support System of a Family Compound
One of the most significant advantages of a family compound is the readily available support network. For Dane and Bridget, this has been transformative, particularly with raising their four children. Bridget enthusiastically shares, “It is incredible, actually. For my little boys especially…they’d wake up in the morning and say I’m going to grandma’s for honey nuts…And they would just go over for breakfast.” This casual access to grandparents extends beyond breakfast, encompassing spontaneous visits, help with chores, and invaluable childcare support.
This intergenerational interaction provides rich experiences for the children. Bridget recounts instances of her children earning pocket money by helping their grandmother with household tasks, highlighting the blend of learning, responsibility, and family bonding inherent in compound living. The close proximity also fosters strong cousin relationships. With Bridget’s sister living next door with seven children, there’s a natural fluidity and camaraderie among the cousins, creating an extended family unit that many yearn for.
Dane, a pilot with a demanding travel schedule, emphasizes the practical benefits of this support system. “That’s actually one of the main reasons I wanted to be here,” Dane states, “When we found out the house was becoming available I had also just found out that I was going to become a captain and be commuting…So I had to get to Chicago to start trips. And then get myself home from Chicago after my trip ends. Which can add an extra day per week. So that’s a lot of extra time gone.” Knowing Bridget had immediate family support just steps away provided immense peace of mind and practical help in managing their busy lives. He further explains how often he would call home to find Bridget being supported by her mother or sister, reinforcing the tangible benefits of their family compound arrangement.
Navigating Boundaries and Maintaining Harmony in Close Quarters
While the advantages of a family compound are clear, navigating the complexities of living in close proximity with family requires careful consideration of boundaries and communication. The common cliché about in-law relationships might raise eyebrows, but Dane offers a refreshing perspective. He emphasizes the exceptional dynamic he shares with Bridget’s parents: “They are like right on the same level as my parents. They have an uncanny way of just kind of staying out of your business but also being interested and connected.” This balance of involvement and respect for personal space is crucial for harmonious compound living. Bridget adds that her parents are adept at setting boundaries, reinforcing the importance of clear communication and mutual respect within the family network.
However, extending this harmony across the entire extended family can present challenges. Dane acknowledges differences in parenting philosophies among Bridget’s sisters and their families. “Sometimes you think that adults are going to parent the same way you do and they don’t,” he observes. This requires a conscious decision to overlook minor disagreements and prioritize family unity. Bridget echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the need to “agree to disagree” and maintain open communication to prevent conflicts from escalating.
Inevitably, living in close proximity means dealing with neighborly disputes, amplified by the family connection. From pet-related incidents to property damage, the Smiths have navigated their share of challenges. Bridget underscores the critical role of direct and honest communication in resolving these issues. “I have super open communication with my sister. She and I have a really unique relationship. And I am not the type of person who lets things fester. I just process them immediately,” she explains. This proactive approach to addressing conflicts head-on is essential for maintaining healthy relationships within a family compound.
The Evolving Dynamics of Family Relationships
Living in a family compound profoundly impacts family relationships, often strengthening bonds, particularly across generations. Dane notes the deepened connection between their children and their grandparents and cousins. “They do not think twice about going over,” he remarks, highlighting the effortless interaction and closeness fostered by proximity.
Bridget reflects on how living closer has enriched her relationships with her nieces and nephews, moving beyond superficial interactions to more meaningful connections. “When you’re that uncle who shows up and plays your role at Thanksgiving every year, you have your family members in these little categories…but you don’t ever really get past that or get to know them,” she explains. Closer proximity has broken down these barriers, allowing for more authentic and complex relationships to develop. This includes navigating both positive and negative interactions, leading to richer, more realistic family dynamics. As Bridget humorously notes, she’s transitioned from being just the “cool arts-and-crafts aunt” to a more multifaceted figure in her nieces’ and nephews’ lives, capable of both fun and discipline. This evolution, while sometimes challenging, is seen as a positive aspect of compound living, fostering deeper, more resilient family ties.
Unexpected Loneliness and Community Integration
Despite the abundant family interaction, Bridget candidly shares an unexpected challenge: a sense of loneliness and difficulty integrating into the broader community. Having moved from a neighborhood filled with peers in the same life stage, the family compound, while rich in familial connections, initially felt isolating in terms of external friendships. “One thing that I was not anticipating is sometimes it’s kind of lonely,” Bridget admits. “There is something to be said about having neighbors that you can call to borrow some eggs or whatever…when we moved here it, was like all my friends are a half hour away and all my neighbors are my family.”
This experience highlights a potential trade-off in choosing a family compound lifestyle. While the internal family network is strong, building connections outside of the compound can require more effort. Dane and Bridget acknowledge that making new friends in their current setting has been slower compared to previous neighborhoods. They speculate that the established family presence might inadvertently create a barrier, making outsiders hesitant to intrude or assuming the family’s social needs are already met within the compound.
Is a Family Compound Lifestyle Right for You?
Despite the challenges, both Dane and Bridget unequivocally affirm the net positive impact of their family compound living. Bridget concludes, “This is amazing and I would never give it up, but it is so much harder than I anticipated.” For them, the immeasurable value of seeing their children build lasting memories and deep relationships with grandparents and cousins outweighs the difficulties. The messiness and complexities of family life are embraced as integral to the richness of these bonds.
For those considering a family compound, the Smiths’ experience offers valuable insights. It underscores the importance of:
- Strong family relationships: A foundation of mutual respect and open communication is paramount.
- Clear boundaries: Establishing and respecting personal space and individual family unit autonomy is crucial.
- Proactive communication: Addressing conflicts openly and honestly prevents festering resentment.
- Realistic expectations: Understanding that family compounds are not without challenges and require ongoing effort to maintain harmony.
Ultimately, a family compound is more than just adjacent houses; it’s a deliberate choice to prioritize family connection and support. While it may present unique challenges, for many, like the Smiths, the rewards of deepened family bonds and a built-in community make it an exceptionally fulfilling way of life.
