Abraham Lincoln, a name synonymous with American history and leadership, arose from humble beginnings, a stark contrast to his wife Mary Todd’s affluent upbringing. Their shared life, however, was deeply marked by profound personal tragedies, the loss of loved ones casting long shadows over their journey. Lincoln endured the early deaths of his mother, sister, and three of his sons. Mary, too, was no stranger to loss, having experienced the deaths of two half-brothers and a brother-in-law during the tumultuous Civil War. This exploration delves into the intricate tapestry of the Abraham Lincoln Family, examining their individual stories, Mary’s connections to Confederate relatives, and the heart-wrenching trials that tested their bonds and shaped their lives.
The Lincoln Patriarch: Thomas Lincoln (1778-1851)
Thomas Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln’s father, was a man of the land, a homesteading farmer and occasional cabinet maker who chose the rugged frontier of the Midwest to raise his family. Described as a stern and likely illiterate father, Thomas struggled to comprehend Abraham’s fervent thirst for knowledge. He often rebuked his son for what he saw as idle reading, preferring him to be engaged in farm chores. This difference in perspective created a palpable distance between father and son.
Notably, Thomas Lincoln never had the opportunity to meet Mary Todd, his daughter-in-law, nor his grandchildren. Abraham, burdened by his demanding career and the ill health of his wife, was unable to travel to attend his father’s funeral, a decision that speaks volumes about their complex relationship. Biographer David Herbert Donald noted the conspicuous absence of any positive remarks about Thomas Lincoln from Abraham’s extensive writings and documented conversations, highlighting the strained dynamic between them.
The Enigmatic Mother: Nancy Hanks Lincoln (1784-1818)
Nancy Hanks Lincoln, Abraham’s mother, hailed from Virginia and migrated to Kentucky, where she married Thomas Lincoln. She bore him three children: Sarah, Abraham, and Thomas, who tragically died in infancy. Abraham Lincoln held his mother in high regard, describing her as “highly intellectual by nature” with an exceptional memory and sharp judgment. He remembered her as a tall, slender woman with striking black hair, a figure of quiet strength and intelligence in his young life.
In 1816, the Lincoln family embarked on another move, settling in southern Indiana and constructing a modest cabin on Little Pigeon Creek. Tragedy struck just two years later when Nancy succumbed to “milk sickness,” possibly tuberculosis, in 1818. Her untimely death left a lasting void in the family and profoundly impacted young Abraham.
Sisterly Bond and Loss: Sarah Lincoln (1807-1828)
Following Nancy’s death, the responsibility of managing the household fell upon the shoulders of Lincoln’s 11-year-old sister Sarah, often called “Sally.” Like her brother, Sarah was recognized for her intelligence, possessed a sharp wit, and had a natural ability to make others feel comfortable. She became a crucial figure in Abraham’s life during a difficult time.
The news of Sarah’s death in childbirth at the young age of 20 deeply grieved Abraham. His former law partner and biographer William Herndon recounted the powerful scene of a devastated Lincoln, burying his face in his hands and sobbing upon hearing of his sister’s passing, revealing the depth of their sibling bond and the pain of yet another significant loss in his life.
A Guiding Stepmother: Sarah Bush Lincoln (1788-1869)
Sarah Bush Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln’s stepmother, offered warmth and encouragement to young Abraham, fostering a supportive home environment.
In 1819, Thomas Lincoln returned to Kentucky and proposed marriage to Sarah Bush Johnston, a woman he had known previously. Sarah, nearly a decade younger than Thomas, accepted his proposal and moved with him to his farm in Indiana. Her arrival brought a new dynamic to the Lincoln household.
Suddenly, Abraham gained three half-siblings: Elizabeth, Matilda, and John, expanding his family circle. Crucially, Sarah Bush Lincoln recognized Abraham’s intellectual potential and actively encouraged his self-improvement and education. She and Abraham developed a close, enduring bond that lasted throughout their lives. Biographer Charles Coleman emphasized Sarah’s profound influence, stating that the “quality of warm human kindness so marked in Abraham’s character was a reflection in part at least of his happy home life as a boy after Sarah became his stepmother,” highlighting her positive impact on his formative years and personality.
The Complex Wife: Mary Todd Lincoln (1818-1882)
Mary Todd Lincoln, pictured in mourning dress following the death of her son Willie in 1862, endured immense personal grief throughout her life.
Mary Todd Lincoln was born into a prominent and prosperous family in Lexington, Kentucky. Her early life was marked by the loss of her mother at age six. Raised by a strict stepmother, Mary was sent away to boarding school, where she received an exceptional education, immersing herself in subjects like French and the humanities. This privileged background stood in stark contrast to Lincoln’s frontier upbringing.
In 1839, Mary met Abraham Lincoln in Springfield, Illinois. At the time, Lincoln was, in Mary’s words, “a poor nobody then.” Their courtship was turbulent, marked by a broken engagement. However, three years later, they reconciled and married on a rainy Friday in front of approximately 30 relatives and friends.
Mary was deeply interested in politics and actively participated in her husband’s career. She shared in his triumphs and setbacks as he ascended in the political arena, beginning with his election as a U.S. Representative from Illinois in 1847. Upon Lincoln’s election to the presidency in 1860, Mary became the de facto White House social director and served as a trusted confidante to her husband. Katherine Helm, Mary’s half-niece, wrote that Lincoln “was often filled with gloom and despondency which it took all of Mary’s adroitness to dispel,” indicating her crucial emotional support for the President.
However, Mary herself battled significant mental health challenges and overwhelming grief. Beyond the early loss of her mother, she tragically lost three of her young sons and witnessed her husband’s assassination firsthand, traumas that deeply scarred her. After leaving the White House, she faced financial difficulties and public criticism for what was perceived as erratic behavior. Today, historians and medical professionals suggest these behaviors may have been indicative of bipolar disorder or acute post-traumatic stress, conditions not understood or recognized during her lifetime. In 1875, her son Robert initiated a public trial that declared her legally insane, leading to her commitment to a sanitarium. She managed to secure her release after a few months and subsequently lived in Europe for a year before returning to the United States shortly before her death.
Robert Lincoln (1843-1926): The Eldest Son’s Legacy
Robert Lincoln, the eldest son of Abraham and Mary, was the only one of their children to survive to adulthood, marry, and establish his own family. He built a remarkable legacy, graduating from Harvard University in 1864. He served as an officer on Ulysses S. Grant’s staff during the final stages of the Civil War. Later in his career, Robert held the position of Secretary of War under two presidents and served as a minister to England, demonstrating a life of public service and accomplishment.
Robert was known for his studious and inquisitive nature, with interests ranging from astronomy to algebra. In his later years, he took up golf to improve his health, famously quipping that the sport had saved his life. His obituary described him as “of a taciturn and retiring nature,” who only revealed himself to close friends as “a charming conversationalist and an entertaining storyteller,” traits he inherited from his father, showcasing a hidden depth beneath his reserved exterior.
Edward Lincoln (1846-50): A Short Life in Springfield
The death of three-year-old Edward Lincoln, likely from tuberculosis, caused immense grief in the Lincoln household. Mary Lincoln’s cries of sorrow reportedly echoed throughout their Springfield home. Edward, their second child, was named in honor of Edward Baker, a close friend and politician who later became a U.S. Army officer during the Civil War.
Originally buried in Springfield, Edward’s remains were disinterred in December 1865 and reburied in the Lincoln Tomb at Springfield’s Oak Ridge Cemetery alongside his father, uniting them in their final resting place.
William ‘Willie’ Lincoln (1850-62): A Bright Light Extinguished
Willie Lincoln, often called “Willie,” displayed a mix of traits. Like his younger brother Tad, he could be rambunctious, yet he was also known for being studious and thoughtful. In October 1861, following the wartime death of Edward Baker, Willie, then ten years old, composed a poem in Baker’s memory and submitted it to a local newspaper, showcasing his sensitivity and literary inclination.
In February 1862, Willie and Tad both contracted typhoid fever. While Tad recovered, Willie succumbed to the illness, devastating his parents. Lincoln, in his profound grief, lamented, “My poor boy, he was too good for this earth. God has called him home.” Willie’s death was a particularly heavy blow to Mary, prompting her to seek solace in spiritualism. She visited a spiritualist who she claimed made “wonderful revelations” about Willie, offering her comfort but also causing concern for Lincoln regarding her mental state.
John Nicolay, Lincoln’s secretary, later downplayed accounts of Mary’s unusual behavior after Willie’s death. While acknowledging her eccentricity, Nicolay wrote in 1887, “That she was very eccentric there is no doubt, but [that] she went to the extremes reported I do not believe,” offering a more nuanced perspective on her grieving process.
Thomas ‘Tad’ Lincoln (1853-71): The White House Mischief
Abraham Lincoln with his youngest son, Thomas “Tad” Lincoln, who brought moments of levity to the somber White House during the Civil War.
Abraham Lincoln affectionately nicknamed his youngest son “Tad” because he was “wriggly as a tadpole” as a baby. Tad had a speech impediment, likely due to a cleft palate, which resulted in a lisp. He was known for his impulsive and mischievous nature.
John Hay, Lincoln’s assistant and secretary, described Tad as “idolized by both his father and mother, petted and indulged by his teachers, and fawned upon and caressed by the noisome horde of office-seekers which infested the ante-rooms of the White House.” Despite the seriousness of the era, Hay also noted that “The tricksy little sprite…gave to that sad and solemn White House of the great war the only comic relief it knew,” highlighting Tad’s role in bringing moments of joy to the otherwise somber atmosphere of the White House during the Civil War.
Tragically, in the summer of 1871, at the age of 18, Tad fell ill after returning from a trip to Europe and died in Chicago from causes that remain unknown, marking another profound loss for the Lincoln family.
Mary Lincoln’s Confederate Relatives: Divided Loyalties
Mary Todd Lincoln’s family connections were complicated by the Civil War. Her brother George R.C. Todd and three half-brothers—Alexander, David, and Samuel Todd—all served in the Confederate Army, placing Mary in a difficult and politically sensitive position as the wife of the Union President. The war claimed the lives of two of her half-brothers: Samuel at the Battle of Shiloh and Alexander in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. David was wounded at Vicksburg, Mississippi, further highlighting the war’s impact on her family.
Southern newspapers harshly criticized Mary following Samuel’s death in April 1862. One Louisiana newspaper scornfully remarked, “It must be a pleasant reflection to Mrs. Abraham Lincoln, amid her vulgar attempts to ape royal fashions, with her balls and soirees at the Federal capital, that a gallant brother should have thus fallen by hands of her husband’s mercenaries,” illustrating the deep animosity and personal attacks directed at her due to her family ties and her husband’s position.
In September 1863, Mary’s brother-in-law, Confederate Brigadier General Benjamin Hardin Helm, husband of her younger half-sister Emilie Todd, was killed at the Battle of Chickamauga in Georgia. Despite President Lincoln’s offer of a position in the Union army, Helm chose to fight for the Confederacy, further emphasizing the divided loyalties within Mary’s family. Senator David Davis of Illinois recounted that President Lincoln was deeply affected by Helm’s death, stating, “I never saw Mr. Lincoln more moved…I found him in the greatest grief.”
In December 1863, U.S. authorities granted Emilie passage through the lines to visit the White House. During her six-day visit, the Lincolns treated her with warmth and compassion. Emilie wrote in her diary that “Mr. Lincoln and my sister met me with the warmest affection, [but] we were all too grief-stricken at first for speech,” revealing the personal toll of the war and the capacity for empathy even amidst conflict.
Conclusion: A Family Forged in Tragedy and Remembrance
The story of the Abraham Lincoln family is a poignant narrative of love, loss, and resilience. From humble beginnings to the highest echelons of power, the Lincolns faced a series of personal tragedies that tested their strength and shaped their lives. The early deaths of family members, the immense pressures of the Civil War and the presidency, and Mary Lincoln’s own struggles with mental health and grief, all contributed to a family history marked by both profound sorrow and enduring love. Despite the darkness they faced, the legacy of the Abraham Lincoln family endures, reminding us of the human cost of history and the enduring power of family bonds in the face of adversity.
