Ben’s journey with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and separation anxiety began at the age of twelve, dramatically disrupting his school life and home environment. His overwhelming fear of parental abandonment and the rituals he developed to cope created an isolating and challenging reality. Following a particularly difficult period, Ben was hospitalized. Fortunately, his family discovered Dr. Jerry Bubrick and a path forward that would transform Ben’s life. Now thriving in his freshman year of college, Ben bravely shares his experiences, offering insights into his battle with the “bully in his brain” and the power of effective treatment.
The Onset of Anxiety and OCD in Teen Years
Ben: It started when I was 12. That’s when my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder really took hold. It was an incredibly tough time. Going to school became almost impossible, and being away from my parents triggered intense anxiety. I developed severe separation anxiety, which ultimately led to me being withdrawn from school because doctors couldn’t find a way to help me return.
Living with OCD and Separation Anxiety: A Daily Struggle
Ben: Being alone at school felt unbearable. I would end up in the school psychiatrist’s office multiple times each day, often in tears. I would call my dad so frequently that eventually he would just have to come and get me. Even being alone in my room at home was difficult. Falling asleep by myself was a real challenge. Every night, my mom would sit outside my bedroom door, reading until I finally fell asleep. Some nights, I would end up sleeping in my parents’ room. Nothing seemed to be improving. During that time, my perception of reality became distorted. Intellectually, I knew my fears weren’t rational, but emotionally, I couldn’t escape them.
The Limitations of Traditional Talk Therapy
Ben: We tried a lot of talk therapy. It was mostly just talking to therapists about what was happening, what I was thinking, and trying to find answers. But it wasn’t helpful; in fact, it seemed to make things worse. We’d try things like taking me out of school for a week to see if that would help, but there was no plan for what would happen when the week was over. We went through several therapists, and they all focused on talking and processing feelings, which wasn’t the right approach for me.
Shame and Compulsions: Hiding in Plain Sight
Ben: The only time I felt truly ashamed was when my friends noticed my compulsions. For instance, I had a locker next to my friend Steve. Every time I left my locker to go to class, I had a ritual of swiping my hands up the locker in a specific way. It had to feel “right,” so I’d repeat it several times. Steve noticed and started mimicking me, which made me really self-conscious.
OCD as a Dragon: Understanding the Cycle of Compulsions
Ben: I visualize OCD as a dragon. The first therapist who diagnosed me used that analogy, and even though I was younger, it made perfect sense and still does. When you perform a compulsion, it’s like feeding the dragon. The dragon grows stronger, becomes meaner, and demands more compulsions. However, if you ignore the dragon and resist the compulsions, you starve it. If you completely stop engaging in compulsions, the dragon weakens and eventually loses its power. The problem with the therapy I was receiving was that the therapist would suggest trying exposure exercises at home, but of course, I wouldn’t do them, and then I would lie and say that I had. So, that approach wasn’t working.
A Turning Point: Effective Treatment at the Child Mind Institute
Ben: Walking into the Child Mind Institute was a completely different experience. It was unlike anything I had encountered in years of therapy. Dr. Bubrick quickly grasped all the details of my situation and had a clear plan. To be honest, I initially hated it because it involved facing the very things I feared most. That’s exposure therapy. For example, before each session, I would constantly ask my mom questions like, “You’re going to be in the waiting area, right? Where exactly? You know what time my session ends, you’ll be here?” She would always reassure me, “Yes, I’m going to be here.” But a few sessions in, Dr. Bubrick suggested to my mother, “Why don’t you go get a cup of coffee during our session?” I immediately protested, asking, “What if you didn’t come back? What if you stayed away?” He was intentionally making me uncomfortable, which I didn’t like at all, but that’s precisely what worked. Now, my OCD is very mild. It might surface briefly once a day, and I know it wouldn’t be anywhere near this manageable without the Child Mind Institute and exposure therapy. Without their help, going to college would have been a huge question mark. I doubt I would be as independent as I am today.
Breaking the Stigma: Mental Health is a Common Struggle
Ben: I absolutely believe there’s a stigma around mental health because it’s not discussed openly enough. When you’re in the middle of struggling, you feel incredibly alone. What I didn’t realize then is that there were likely other kids at my school dealing with OCD. OCD is common. Depression is common. It’s statistically improbable that out of 105 kids in my grade, I was the only one experiencing something similar. It’s unfortunate that I feel like one of the few who comes forward to share their story. There should be many more of us talking about it.
Advice for Teens Struggling with Anxiety and OCD
Ben: My advice to anyone in the position I was in is to surrender to the treatment. Stop fighting against it. It’s never helpful to just hear “it gets better” or “this is just a phase.” Whether it’s depression or anxiety – give the treatment they’re recommending a real try because taking that first step is the easiest part. Stop resisting and let them help you.
Hope for Families Facing Child Anxiety and OCD
Ben: What I would say to a family with a child who is struggling is that there is another side to this difficult journey. Whether you believe it right now or not, I know for a fact that there is, because of where I was and where my parents were. No matter how challenging things are right now, there is hope. You just have to seek out the right help and keep looking for that other side.
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