According to research, individuals experience a vast number of thoughts daily, ranging from simple reminders to complex anxieties. Among these, some can be intrusive and deeply disturbing, such as unwanted sexual thoughts directed towards family members. If you are struggling with these thoughts and find them distressing, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Many individuals experience this type of anxiety, and understanding the underlying cause is the first step toward finding relief.
As a therapist, I have worked with numerous people grappling with the fear of being sexually attracted to a family member. Often, this fear is rooted in a specific mental health condition rather than actual desire. Let’s consider the example of Jenny to illustrate this.
During a family reunion, Jenny found herself having intrusive thoughts about her cousin, noticing changes in her appearance. These thoughts quickly escalated into intense worry, as Jenny became fixated on whether these fleeting thoughts indicated attraction. She started avoiding her cousin, withdrawing from family activities to minimize any potential physical contact. Trusting her own mind became a significant challenge.
Alt text: Anxious woman at family gathering, avoiding eye contact, illustrating social anxiety and fear of unwanted thoughts.
When around her family, Jenny was plagued by distressing thoughts like, “You want her as a girlfriend,” or “These thoughts are as bad as incest.” These intrusive thoughts were sometimes accompanied by a groinal response, a physiological sensation of arousal, which amplified her feelings of shame, fear, and disgust.
In Jenny’s case, her fear of being sexually attracted to a family member was ultimately attributed to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). While OCD is often associated with compulsions like handwashing, it manifests in diverse ways, including a subtype known as Incest OCD. This condition can cause significant distress and confusion for those experiencing it.
Incest OCD Explained
OCD is characterized by two core symptoms: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are intrusive, unwanted thoughts, urges, feelings, sensations, or images that trigger significant anxiety, distress, or fear. Compulsions are the mental or physical actions an individual feels compelled to perform to reduce the distress caused by obsessions or prevent perceived negative outcomes. However, these compulsions offer only temporary relief, and the obsessions inevitably return, often intensifying over time.
Incest OCD is a specific manifestation of OCD centered around intrusive and unwanted sexual thoughts, images, sensations, and urges concerning family members. Individuals with Incest OCD might experience disturbing mental images of sexual acts involving parents or siblings or be tormented by persistent questions like, “Am I sexually attracted to my father?” Like other sexual obsessions, Incest OCD can evoke intense shame and confusion. This often leads to compulsions such as avoiding family members to prevent triggering obsessions or out of fear of acting on these unwanted thoughts.
It’s crucial to understand that experiencing fear of being attracted to a family member does not automatically indicate Incest OCD. However, this article aims to provide information to help you understand this condition and determine if seeking professional evaluation is appropriate.
Distinguishing Incest OCD from Actual Attraction
A common misconception regarding sexual obsessions in OCD is that they are akin to sexual fantasies. However, when the fear of family attraction stems from OCD, this couldn’t be further from the truth. OCD often fixates on what individuals value most, such as family. People with OCD do not desire these thoughts and urges; they are a source of pain and discomfort. They are, in fact, the very opposite of what they want.
Groinal responses further complicate the confusion. Experiencing physical sensations of arousal after an intrusive thought like “Could I be turned on by my brother?” can lead someone to mistakenly believe that they genuinely desire the incestuous thought. This is not the reality. The groinal response in OCD is not accompanied by feelings of excitement or healthy anticipation. Instead, it triggers fear and disgust. This physiological response is a frustrating consequence of how our bodies function; the genital region can react to stimuli even without genuine arousal. In fact, anxiety and heightened awareness of bodily sensations can even trigger these responses – when attention is focused on these sensations, the brain can inadvertently create them.
Alt text: Confused and distressed individual, visually representing the emotional impact of groinal responses and unwanted sexual thoughts.
Examples of Obsessions in Incest OCD:
- Intrusive sexual images involving a family member.
- Persistent fear of being attracted to or in love with a relative.
- Fear of losing control and acting sexually towards a family member.
- Unwanted urges to sexually touch or kiss a family member.
- Distressing groinal responses or feelings of arousal that cause significant worry.
Examples of Compulsions in Incest OCD:
- Excessive mental rumination about intrusive thoughts.
- Extensive internet research seeking reassurance and answers about incest.
- Constantly monitoring bodily sensations for signs of arousal around family.
- Avoiding media content that might involve themes of incest.
- Mentally reviewing past interactions with family members for signs of inappropriate feelings.
- Avoiding interaction and contact with family members.
The Importance of Seeking Help
Untreated OCD typically escalates, becoming increasingly disruptive. When someone is trapped in the OCD cycle and relies on compulsions, their OCD symptoms strengthen, and the urge to perform compulsions intensifies. This can lead to OCD dominating their life.
In the context of Incest OCD, fear can severely impair healthy family relationships. Avoidance and other compulsions can harm family members, who are often unaware of the reasons behind the person’s withdrawal. This form of OCD can also negatively impact current romantic relationships or hinder dating. Individuals struggling with these fears might avoid intimacy with partners, fearing they might visualize a family member during sexual activity.
Effective Therapy Options
A common misconception about mental health conditions is that all therapies are universally effective. This is inaccurate. For OCD, a specific therapy called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy is considered the most effective treatment. ERP is the gold standard for OCD treatment, supported by extensive clinical research over decades.
Consider Jenny’s situation again. She might contemplate skipping future family gatherings to avoid her fear of attraction to her cousin. An ERP therapist would guide her to gradually confront her anxiety about this fear without resorting to compulsions like avoiding family events.
ERP therapy is a gradual process, ensuring patients feel comfortable and not overwhelmed. Jenny might begin by imagining looking at her cousin, then build up to brief conversations at family events, and eventually aim to sit next to her during family dinners. Over time, her brain learns that she can experience anxiety about this topic, but it will naturally subside, and it does not need to control her life or prevent her from enjoying relationships and experiences she values.
Accessing Support
As an OCD/ERP trained therapist with NOCD, I have encountered this specific fear in many individuals and witnessed their recovery. If you are experiencing similar struggles, please remember you are not alone, and you don’t have to endure this silently. Qualified professionals are available who understand your experiences and can provide effective help.
If you are interested in pursuing treatment, I encourage you to explore NOCD’s evidence-based approach to OCD and anxiety treatment. We are dedicated to helping you on your path to recovery and a healthier life.
