Growing up, the lines of family were always blurred in the most beautiful way. My parents’ friends weren’t just friends; they were honorary uncles and aunts, woven into the fabric of our lives. My brother’s godmother wasn’t just a figurehead; she was Mama Angela, a constant presence who cared for us deeply. When I recounted a story about my Uncle Crash, a friend innocently asked if he was related to my parents. I paused, realizing the conventional understanding of family didn’t quite capture our reality. Crash wasn’t a blood relative; he was my dad’s best friend, a bond that ran deeper than simple friendship. “Oh, so he’s a family friend,” my friend concluded, but the term felt inadequate, lacking the warmth and depth of the connection I knew. This early experience sparked a realization: my definition of family was broader, richer, encompassing people connected by something more profound than blood.
Years later, as I explored my identity and community, I discovered a phrase that perfectly encapsulated these deeply meaningful, non-biological family ties: Found Family. Also known as chosen families, these networks are particularly vital in the LGBTQ+ community, where 39% of queer adults report experiencing rejection from their families of origin. Found families are not merely emotional support systems; they can be lifelines. Considering that 40% of homeless youth are LGBTQ, chosen families can provide crucial shelter and stability. For many, family becomes not a matter of birth, but a conscious creation – a circle of individuals offering unwavering support and unconditional love.
Two people smiling and embracing warmly, representing the concept of found family and emotional support.
My own found family is a vibrant tapestry woven from different threads: high school best friends, sorority sisters, college roommates, and the close companions I’ve gathered throughout my college years. They are my safety net, catching me when my birth family is geographically distant or emotionally unavailable. During the initial pangs of homesickness in college, feeling adrift and insignificant, it was the burgeoning connections with these friends that anchored me. They became more than just friends; they became family. With them by my side, homesickness faded, replaced by a sense of belonging and unwavering support right where I was. Recently, the physical distance from these cherished individuals has underscored the profound importance of found family, especially for LGBTQ+ youth navigating the complexities of identity and belonging.
The COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns have thrown into sharp relief the critical role of found families. Many queer young adults have been forced back into environments that are unsupportive or even hostile, separated from their chosen families and support networks at college or school. In these uncertain and isolating times, maintaining connections with found family is not just comforting—it is an essential act of self-preservation for countless young people.
Coming out to my birth family has been a journey, a process fraught with vulnerability and fear. The unwavering support of my found family has been indispensable. While my birth family has been accepting, that acceptance was never a certainty. Knowing I had a found family ready to embrace and love me regardless profoundly shaped my ability to navigate those challenging conversations. For individuals facing rejection from their biological families, the sanctuary of found family becomes even more crucial, offering a haven of acceptance and love when it’s needed most.
Before the pandemic reshaped our world, my found family was a constant presence in my daily life. They were the enthusiastic faces in the front row at my plays, showering me with flowers and praise. They were the ones offering rides when I needed them, bringing over food when life felt overwhelming. They are the people who genuinely want to hear from me, who care about my well-being simply because they do, not out of obligation. The validation and love from my found family are immeasurable, bolstering my spirit and sense of self-worth.
In recent weeks, video calls with my found family have become a lifeline. Each virtual connection, however brief, offers a sense of upliftment and hope. These interactions serve as a powerful reminder that this period of isolation is temporary and that the love of our chosen families transcends physical distance. Without my found family, my life would be immeasurably different. They are family not just in moments of joy and ease, but for the long haul, standing by each other through the difficult times as well. The current uncertainties are undoubtedly challenging, but found families are unwavering pillars of support during these trials.
Months ago, a dear friend graciously hosted a “family dinner” at his apartment. My closest college friends gathered, including my roommate, whom I affectionately call my brother, and a friend I jokingly refer to as my “pledge husband.” We shared stories of work, school, and relationships, laughter echoing around the table as we enjoyed enchiladas and reminisced about the less-than-gourmet dining hall food. No one questioned the term “family dinner” because that’s precisely what it was: a group of people bound by love and genuine connection, sharing a meal and each other’s company. As I anticipate moving into my own apartment, I eagerly look forward to hosting more of these family gatherings, further nurturing these invaluable relationships. These dinners, these moments of togetherness, will hold even deeper meaning after navigating this period of physical separation.
Love manifests in countless forms, and so do families. Found families are intentionally created communities, particularly within the queer community, to cultivate the familial love that may be absent or to deepen the bonds of friendship into something profoundly familial. While discussions of queer love often center on romantic relationships, it’s crucial to recognize the transformative power of queer platonic and familial love—even when experienced at a distance. These bonds are not just sources of comfort; they are vital forces in healing and safeguarding queer youth, reminding us that family is ultimately about who we choose to hold close to our hearts.
