It’s a genuine challenge to pinpoint a simple definition for “partner” today. For years, I considered a close friend, John Calley, my partner. Our daily conversations and his unwavering support during personal setbacks made him a crucial figure in my life. Even without a romantic element, was he any less of a partner? This question highlights the evolving understanding of relationships in the modern family context.
The notion of a “primary” partner also feels increasingly outdated. Does this imply a hierarchy of relationships – primary, secondary, tertiary? Can’t a primary partner be a sibling, a child, or a dearest friend? Must partnership always be tied to sexual intimacy? Consider sisters living together for 15 years, raising a child collaboratively. Are they not partners simply because their bond isn’t sexual? Many married couples, in what society deems traditional partnerships, experience years without sexual intimacy. Does this diminish their partnership? These examples force us to reconsider the traditional boundaries of what constitutes a partnership within the framework of the modern family.
My relationship with Clare is different from past, passionate romances. It’s deeper, rooted in a profound connection that grew steadily. As our bond intensified, my desire to share this truth with my large, Italian-Polish, supposedly “traditional” Philadelphia family became stronger.
My father’s reaction, delivered between cigar puffs on an Atlantic City casino roof, was simply, “She’s a good girl, good for you.” My mother and the rest of the family echoed his acceptance. Perhaps their definition of family and partnership was more modern than I had assumed. This acceptance underscores the shifting perspectives on relationships and family structures that characterize the modern family.
My personal understanding of attachment and partnership is that they are fluid and ever-changing, reflecting the diverse nature of the modern family. Jack’s father, Dan, will always be my partner because of our shared parenthood. Dan is an exceptional father and a remarkable man. The non-sexual nature of our relationship does not diminish his role as my partner in raising our son. We are united by core values, foremost being our son’s well-being. My former partner, Bryn, remains a partner through our shared activism. And Clare will forever be my partner because, fundamentally, she is my best friend. In the context of the modern family, partnership transcends traditional definitions, embracing diverse bonds built on shared experiences, values, and mutual support, regardless of romantic or sexual involvement.