It’s genuinely challenging to pin down a simple definition for the term “partner,” especially when we consider the evolving landscape of The Modern Family. For years, I considered John Calley, a friend in his seventies with whom I spoke daily, to be a partner. He was my steadfast support during personal crises, offering solace after each romantic setback. Our relationship was platonic, but did that diminish his role as a partner in my life?
This leads me to question the concept of a “primary” partner. Does this notion imply a hierarchy of relationships – secondary, tertiary, and so on? Can a primary partner be a sibling, a child, or a closest friend, or is it exclusively reserved for someone with whom we share a sexual relationship? Consider my two friends, sisters who have lived together for fifteen years, co-parenting a daughter. Are they not partners simply because their bond isn’t sexual? And what about the countless married couples who have long ceased sexual intimacy? Does this absence invalidate their partnership?
My connection with Clare is distinct from the tumultuous, butterfly-inducing romances of the past. It’s a love that resonates on a deeper level. As our bond strengthened, my affection for her intensified, culminating in my decision to share the truth of our relationship with my large, traditional Italian-Polish family in Philadelphia.
My father’s reaction, delivered between puffs of his cigar on an Atlantic City casino rooftop, was simply, “She’s a good girl, good for you.” My mother and the rest of my family echoed his sentiment. Perhaps their views weren’t as traditionally rigid as I had assumed. This acceptance highlights how even traditional families are adapting to modern relationships.
My understanding of attachment and partnership has always been that they are fluid and ever-changing, mirroring the modern family itself. Jack’s father, Dan, will forever be my partner because of our shared parenthood. Dan is an exceptional father and an extraordinary man. The non-sexual nature of our relationship does not lessen his significance as a partner. We are united by core values, first and foremost our son’s well-being. Similarly, my recent ex, Bryn, remains a partner through our shared activism. And Clare will always be my partner, embodying the essence of a best friend and confidante. These diverse relationships illustrate the multifaceted nature of partnership within the modern family, moving beyond conventional definitions.
