According to Urban Dictionary, the “dollar family” is often seen as the epitome of familial bliss: a married couple blessed with one son and one daughter – the picture of a happy, perfect family. As we are just days away from welcoming our baby girl, we’re about to officially become what some might call a “Dollar Family.” But this milestone has us questioning: does this label truly represent the ideal, and does it signal the end of our family-building journey?
It’s become commonplace for people to inquire about the baby’s gender, and upon hearing we’re expecting a girl, the response is almost always, “Oh, you have the perfect family now! You don’t need any more.” We understand the sentiment; it’s a well-meaning acknowledgment of the societal desire for the balance of a son and a daughter. Yet, just as frequently, we’re asked, “Are you planning to have more? You’ll have the ideal family!” These contrasting reactions highlight the subjective nature of the “perfect family” concept.
For us, the notion of an “ideal family” being defined by a numerical combination has never resonated. We believe that a happy and healthy family, regardless of its composition, is what truly embodies the ideal. In our minds, if we were to assign a “dollar family” status to a number, it would be to a family of two boys and two girls. We’ve always envisioned four children as the perfect family size, and here’s why.
Consider the only child. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with being an only child, we feel that the experience can sometimes lead to a child becoming overly spoiled. They miss out on the unique dynamics of sibling relationships – the camaraderie, the playful teasing, and the unwavering support system that siblings provide, especially during extracurricular activities. For us, personally, having just one child doesn’t feel like enough to complete our family vision.
My own upbringing in a two-child family, with my older sister, presents another perspective. Growing up, we were fortunate to enjoy many wonderful vacations. However, the constant proximity during these trips often led to friction and sibling squabbles. Paradoxically, vacations could sometimes devolve into each of us retreating into our own worlds, effectively becoming “only children” in those moments, missing out on shared adventures and creating lasting memories together.
Moving on to the idea of three children, a significant consideration arises: the unavoidable creation of a “middle child.” “Middle child syndrome” is a recognized phenomenon, and by having three, you risk inadvertently setting up your middle child to feel somewhat isolated, like they don’t quite belong, or struggle to garner the same level of attention and live up to the expectations placed on the eldest and youngest. As parents, our deepest desire is to ensure each child feels valued and cherished. A practical concern with three children also surfaces in everyday scenarios. Imagine a trip to Disneyland; someone will inevitably be left without a ride buddy. More often than not, this falls to the middle child.
This brings us to our “perfect” number: four children. With four, everyone has a built-in buddy for those Disneyland rides. The dynamics of middle child syndrome become less pronounced, and even disagreements can be navigated more equitably (think two-on-two!). Yes, four children definitely places you in the “big family” category according to societal norms, but we’ve always been drawn to the idea of a larger family. From our perspective, larger families always seemed to radiate a unique sense of fun and togetherness.
The dream of a bustling, lively home filled with children has always been close to our hearts. We acknowledge the realities of parenting more children; it undoubtedly presents greater challenges in terms of individual attention and logistical complexities. However, we’re not aiming for a “19 Kids and Counting” scenario. We believe four children strikes a balance – a reasonably sized family that feels both manageable and fulfilling. When both parents are actively involved and supportive partners, parenting, even with a larger family, doesn’t lead to burnout. You become a team, supporting each other through the inevitable challenges and celebrating the joys together.
Ultimately, it’s crucial to remember that families of all sizes are an incredible blessing. They come into our lives in countless beautiful ways, and whether our family consists of one child or twenty-one, we recognize ourselves as incredibly fortunate to be parents.
