Last night, the world lost a beacon of hope for marriages and families with the passing of Gary Thomas Smalley. Surrounded by his loving family, including his son Greg – a cherished colleague at Focus on the Family – Gary’s departure coincided poignantly with Greg’s return from a marriage enrichment speaking engagement. This beautiful mirroring of life and legacy underscores Gary’s lifelong dedication to strengthening Christian marriages, a mission now carried forward by his son at Focus on the Family and beyond.
It’s a daunting task to encapsulate 75 years of a life so richly lived, but let me share a glimpse of the remarkable man I knew and admired – a man whose wisdom and warmth resonated with so many, including countless readers and viewers.
Gary Smalley wasn’t just a name; he was a force for good in the realm of family counseling and marital advice. A prolific, best-selling author of over 60 books, he achieved global recognition as a marriage and relationship expert and captivated audiences as a sought-after speaker for over four decades. His expertise graced national platforms like Fox and Friends, Oprah Winfrey, and NBC’s Today show, extending his reach to millions seeking guidance. Throughout his impactful ministry, Gary’s books, films, and conferences became lifelines for hundreds of thousands of couples navigating the complexities of marriage.
Beyond the accolades, Gary was a confidant, a trusted counselor where individuals felt safe sharing their deepest vulnerabilities, aspirations, and hurts. His practical, biblically-sound advice and compassionate coaching served as an anchor for countless husbands and wives teetering on the brink of divorce. It’s impossible to quantify the number of children who benefited from Gary’s work, growing up in homes where marriages were not just salvaged but revitalized through God’s grace working through him. The impact is immeasurable.
A Cherished Friend of Focus on the Family Counseling
For us at Focus On The Family Counseling, Gary was more than just a partner; he was a true friend. We were privileged to collaborate with him on numerous marriage resources and welcomed his insightful presence on our broadcast more than 50 times. Each recording session with Gary was a joy. The anecdotes shared by our staff today echo a consistent sentiment: Gary’s genuine graciousness and sharp wit shone just as brightly behind the scenes as they did in his public persona.
I personally valued Gary’s remarkable sense of humor. He approached the weighty subjects of marriage and family with profound seriousness, yet he never took himself too seriously. As I transitioned into hosting the daily radio broadcast at Focus on the Family Counseling, Gary’s encouragement and comedic touch were invaluable, helping me navigate the role with greater ease and confidence.
Gary’s connection to our Focus on the Family family extended even deeper through his son, Greg Smalley, who serves as our Vice President of Marriage Ministries. For nearly five years, Greg and his wife Erin have passionately continued Gary’s legacy, enriching countless marriages through impactful programs like The Date Night Challenge, Focus Marriage Mentors, and the annual Honoring Marriage event. These initiatives are deeply rooted in the very principles Gary championed throughout his career in family counseling.
Perhaps the most significant embodiment of Gary’s unwavering commitment to marriage is the Focus on the Family Marriage Institute. Founded in 2003 by Gary and Greg, this institute specializes in intensive, multi-day marriage retreats at its Branson Retreat Center. Couples in crisis find refuge and renewal in this serene setting nestled in the Ozark Mountains, allowing them to fully concentrate on their relationship. The results speak volumes: an astounding 84 percent of the over 3,000 couples who have participated in these marriage intensives report remaining married two years later. This testament to the effectiveness of intensive family counseling approaches is a cornerstone of Gary’s enduring legacy within Focus on the Family Counseling.
The Smalley Legacy: Continuing the Mission of Family Counseling
Gary’s life’s work extends far beyond his own accomplishments, living on vibrantly through his children. In addition to Greg’s impactful leadership at Focus on the Family Counseling, Gary’s other children, Kari and Michael, have also dedicated their professional lives to strengthening marriages through publishing and counseling careers. This family-wide commitment is a powerful testament to Gary’s influence and the values he instilled.
“I deeply admired my dad’s authenticity and transparency,” Greg shared earlier today. “He built his career on openly sharing his own imperfections as a husband and father. He possessed the humility to acknowledge his mistakes and a relentless drive to grow as a follower of Christ, a husband, and a father.”
Greg continued, “His life was passionately devoted to embodying the greatest commandment: to love God wholeheartedly and to love others as himself. He built his ministry on the foundational principle of honor – treating every individual as a priceless treasure. His cherished verse, Romans 12:10, ‘Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor’ (ESV), encapsulates his life’s philosophy. What I admired most was the seamless integration of his public and private life. The man you saw on stage was the same loving and honorable man he was at home, consistently honoring his wife and family while guiding countless others toward a deeper relationship with the Lord and thriving marriages and families.”
The fact that all three of his children have become champions for marriage and family counseling is a powerful tribute to the 52-year marriage Gary shared with his beloved wife, Norma. The Smalley children witnessed firsthand the biblical principles they now champion lived out daily by Gary and Norma, creating a lasting family legacy deeply intertwined with the mission of Focus on the Family Counseling.
Upon hearing the news of Gary’s passing last evening, I was reminded of the timeless words of evangelist D.L. Moody:
“Some day you will read in the papers, ‘D. L. Moody of East Northfield is dead,’” he famously said. “Don’t you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now; I shall have gone up higher, that is all, out of this old clay tenement into a house that is immortal — a body that death cannot touch, that sin cannot taint; a body fashioned like unto His glorious body. That which is born of the flesh may die. That which is born of the Spirit will live forever.”
Smalley FamilyFor those of us who share faith in Jesus, we hold the confident hope of reuniting with Gary again. In this moment of earthly parting, we grieve, yet we also overflow with gratitude for his life and impactful work in family counseling. Our prayers are fervently with the Smalley family. While the hope of heaven brings solace, the pain of earthly separation is real. They would deeply appreciate your prayers for divine strength and comfort during this time.
I learned that in Gary’s final moments, his wife Norma tenderly kissed his forehead and sang to him. Just before his last breath, words of blessing were spoken over him:
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you” (Numbers 6:24-25).
Isn’t that a beautiful and fitting farewell?
How has Gary’s ministry touched your marriage or family? Please share your memories and stories in the comments below. I know the Smalley family will find comfort in reading your reflections.
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Listen to John Fuller and me reminisce about Gary Smalley:
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Topics: Current Events Tags: broadcast, news by Jim Daly with Paul Batura
